School has been a lot crazier than I have imagined. And I have not been able to update nearly as much as I have wanted to. I can't say it won't happen again, cause it will. But yeah, I'm sorry that it did. And added on to all of that I have been out of touch with my laptop so I haven't really been checking livejournal at all, because usually its in my link bar so I stare at the link all the time and end up looking at Livejournal, but since I'm on my desktop (which I am right now) I haven't been able to have that motiviation every day.

Life has been really mundane lately. I am loving life though. Tomorrow I have a birthday/superbowl party to attend. It'll be rad, cause I'll get to hang with one of my most awesome friends.  I'll try to catch you up later on what happens. But I should be going to bed soon.

Catch ya later,
Amanda C.

I haven't updated in a week, and for that I'm sorry. School has been okay, I suppose. Except for my crush hasn't been there, and it's started to bring up all kinds of mixed emotions. It's weird...idek.

Last night, to fight a somewhat depressing week, I went out to the movies with a couple of good friends. I might do that next weekend too, I still have enough cash to go out next Saturday. :)

But still school is gonna suck, cause I know he'll be gone at least one more day this week. I feel like I want to tell him how I feel, but years of rejection is kinda screaming in my face "are you a mad woman!" It kinda feels like someone rips out my vocal cords before I can ever scream I think I kinda like you. And it sucks, cause how much weight would be off my shoulders if somehow he knew? A ton of weight to be honest.

Maybe one of these days I can tell him how I feel.

Thanks for listening again,
Amanda C.

PS: A few days ago in one of my depressed moods, i went outside in the cold and took some pics. My lens fogged up, and the pictures were foggy. Here is one of them. It was supposed to be a tree.

Well by person's I'm guessing you say I could invitie more than one person. So I'll say Gerard Way, Brian Aubert, Caleb Followill, Kurt Cobain, and KT Tunstall. And we could have a huge dinner party about singing and music in general. I would probably avoid anything too personal, but I don't have any specific questions. I don't know what I'd serve though, more than like chinese cause that's my fave. :)

I hate to hear when a person says that a band is "changing too much." I mean seriously, do you wish for the band to stay the same throughout their entire music career. I think not. I mean sure, sometimes it can be a little scary to think that the band you have loved for a very long time, is becoming a different band. But change is something you can't change.

Personally, I'd rather a band give me five individual albums, than five albums that sound almost exactly alike. When listening to the albums, I would want to be able to say, "Hey, these guys grew and changed with each album." versus, "Hey these guys didn't change at all, they just spit me out the same album over and over again!"

I feel so horrible when people start criticizing bands for changing, I mean doesn't everyone change just a little in what they do or how they live. I know I've certianly changed in a lot of ways. I mean my writings gotten better, I've become a lot less shy. And there is probably a bunch of other things that I have gotten better at. So why is that even though people change all the time, that some fans think it's horrible when their favorite band changes.

I'm not sure at all of this, and I guess I never will know.
But thanks again for listening,
Amanda C.

These last few days, I guess, I was supposed to be doing something. But I haven't been up to much. Sleeping a lot, writing somewhat. But not much in the way of really productive stuff. Like washing the mound of laundry I have piling up, or finishing my Morrie assignments for English. But oh well. They'll get done someday.

The resolution I made for 2009 was to stop cursing as much. It didn't work. This year I'm making a new resolution to live healthier. I think I'll do okay in this one. I'm not sure if the tradition is constructive, because for the most part people don't follow it. But hopefully this year, I'll keep my resolution, and hopefully kick some bad habbits.

I mean seriously. What is selling out. Is getting popular selling out? Cause I have never understood what was so special or whatever about selling out. What makes a band sell out? The fact that people other than the first albums fans like them. That they change overtime?

I mean seriously, you can't control how popular a band gets. You can't control how many times people listen to a bands hit single. All the selling out bullshit is stupid. I mean if one bands song is more popular than others, what is the band going to do, walk around and break peoples faces in order for them to listen to more of their songs. i don't think so. 

And even if a song is more popular, how do you know a person really likes the song, they just might want to hear a song the band sings, and usually if a fan is sampling a new band, they won't get a whole album, they'll just look at a popular song or two the artist has before they decide to like the band or not. You can't really control though, if after the person decided to like the band, what music they like.

Sure I have a lot of bands that I would like people to know more about, I would love for people to love of all of My Chemical Romance's, Kings of Leon's, The Used's, Silversun Pickup's, Linkin Park's, etc...songs. But it ain't gonna happen. So buy a huge tub of cookies and cream ice cream and get over it.

Thanks for listening,
Amanda C.

Grr...I thought I would have the perfect year, no broken bones, no heavy depression, no deaths of awesome people. But then I just got the news today that an awesome person died. The Rev of Avenged Sevenfold died, and it makes me a sad panda. I never expected it, and it caught me off guard. I got the news through an email from a site, and I'm not even sure how I got on to the mailing list, but I checked and it's true. And it's sad.

i don't really know what else to say but r.i.p. the rev.

I don't really have anything bad to say about this year. This year has been rather great to me. I moved into a new house, I went to see American Idols Live. For the first time, in a very long time, my year wasn't filled with on and off depression. I mean, I had my feelings of sadness, as does everyone, but this year it wasn't extreme. If I could do this year over again, I don't think I would. Not because it was bad, as you can tell, but because I'm ready to move on. I can't wait to see what 2010 will bring me.

Today was a very boring. I didn't do that much, in fact I spent a lot of the day sleeping. This is my last week off for Winter break, and I want to do as little as possible. I'm also thinking of what I should do for my New Year's Resolution. I am thinking of gradually giving up soda, I mean it does exactly nothing for me, but add empty calories to my weight that I'll never burn fast enough. But at the same time, it isn't exactly the easiest thing to do, give up soda, And if I put those little no calorie packages in my bottled water does that count as cheating on my New Year's Resolution. Those things are damn tasty.

But yeah, I have like a ton of things that I got for Christmas that I have to read and listen to. I can't believe it's been four days and I still haven't watched my Nirvana Live at Reading. It's not that I don't want to, I guess it's just because I'm lazy. I have intentions to do something, and then I get sleepy and don't want to do them anymore. Like today, I was gonna watch one of my new Haunted Histories dvd's, but then I got lazy and decided not to watch it. I mean I could probably still watch it, but I don't really feel like getting up until I have to.

I watched Lingo earlier on GSN. I swear there was this one team that was dumb as a box of rocks. I mean, I understand you're trying to find out what some of the other letters are, but don't be stupid, you only have five total chances to get your board. Gosh. I missed Chain Reaction, and I was pretty sad about that, that game is pretty freaking cool. I think I'm liking game shows too much these days, I mean there isn't a lot to watch when you're on break, but I get really involved in the shows. I get to the point where I'm like yelling at the screen, I know they can't hear me, but I kinda wish they did so they wouldn't make dumb mistakes.

Well, thanks for reading a couple paragraphs of my life. I will try to blog as frequently as possible. I'm not really sure how that will work out, but until I blog next time.

Bye,
Amanda C.

While I have had this livejournal account for a long while, I think this is the time I actually want to start journaling regularly. So welcome to my journal, and I hope you stay for a while.

You probably want to know a little about me, my name is Amanda, and I'm 16 years old. I live in a sort of small town in Arkansas called Forrest City. It's pretty boring. There isn't a lot to do, but I survive.
+I love music, I don't think I could survive in such a small town without it. Some of my favorite artist are My Chemical Romance, Kings of Leon, The Used, Silversun Pickups, Adam Lambert, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, and more. I think the list could go on and on.
+I love to write. i write all sorts of things, but I mainly stay in poetry and songwriting. Writing has helped keep me sane throughout these years. It's always nice to type out your feelings instead of act them out sometimes.
+I've been through my fair share of ups and downs, and I wasn't always such a happy person. Right now I am glad to say I feel better than I thought I ever would. I don't have anyone special to blame for that, I think my life just changed around quite a bit, and everything that was making me sad isn't staring my in the face anymore.
+I'm a rather shy person when you first talk to me, but as I get to know you I am quite the talker of talks.

I am not going to drawl out this much longer. But if you wish you can comment on the post.

Thank you and see ya around,
Amanda C.